I Used To Shine...

“I used to shine!” Sandra Bullock’s character said it in "Hope Floats" to her daughter as she reminisced what she thought to be the good ole days. The days when she won beauty pageants, was homecoming queen and dated, then married the star football player. Yeah, she used to shine.

And so did I.

I might not have been the homecoming queen, or even popular for that matter, but I had a great figure - long legs, small waist, big boobs, long brown curly hair and deep chocolate brown eyes. I modeled swimsuits and prom dresses for department stores, and even did perfume modeling…yeah that’s right… the annoying ladies that squirt perfume on you to ‘test’ without asking…

I was bold and fearless, ready to attack the world, make my mark and let everyone know who I was! Strong and stubborn, I would make my dreams come true no matter what!

I used to shine. I was known in high school and college as an awesome artist. I had dreams – big dreams! I was a girl with incredible talent. I planned to go to the Art Institute in Chicago. “Flash Dance” was my mantra. I dreamed of moving to New York, being a Coyote Ugly girl if I had too in order to make a living… now wouldn’t that make dad proud!

I used to shine. I used to be young, beautiful, bold and brash. I used to fill my world with acrylic color and shades of 2B lead. I didn’t have a care in the world, but the sun on cheeks, and dreams swirling in my head… yeah, I used to dream.

So why don’t I shine now? Good question. Did I tarnish the shine with bad choices? Choices to ‘party’ instead of get an education, choices to move out on my own and live the ‘flash dance’ life, only to fail? Did immaturity and a false sense of invincibility set me up for failure to reach my dreams? I did not finish college. I never went to the Art Institute in Chicago. I’ve never been to New York, I’ve never danced on a bar, but I did make dad proud.

The journey I’ve been on has been one of character building. It has not been an easy road. I’m at a point now in my life that I can appreciate the journey I’ve been on and I’m here to tell you, I don’t shine anymore…I used to shine… now I blaze!