All I Want For Christmas...

“You girls need to make out your lists for Santa; Christmas will be here before you know it!” One would think that two children wouldn’t need a reminder to make a list of what they want… I mean, it’s present time for Pete’s sake, who stalls on a Christmas list?

When I was about 10 years old my mother would hand me the JC Penney’s catalog and ask me to write down everything I wanted out of the catalog. It took me about a week, but I remember handing her my completed list, complete with page numbers, item numbers and cost. If we only had the technology back then that we have today, I could have just copied the darn book, because I don’t think there was a single page in the toy section that didn’t have something I wanted on it. The years following that one, she just handed me a highlighter and I just handed her back the book with my name written on the front. My mother and I still joke about it today.

So it’s the week of Thanksgiving and I realize I need to do a little Christmas shopping for my own two girls. I really want to get them what ‘they’ want this year for Christmas. It’s not been a good year; they deserve the best the world can offer. I wish I could give them all they wanted, but I know reality… that I can probably only get a few items or so… and actually, so do they.

They amaze me.

“Here’s my list Momma. And it is okay if I don’t get all of that because I know you can’t really buy all that stuff.”

I take the wide-ruled loose leaf paper from my daughter’s hands in expectation of Toys R Us inventory. I scan the list. It doesn’t take long. Lip-gloss, a hairbrush, makeup.

Seriously? “Oh honey… is that all you really want for Christmas?”

I know this 12 year old must want more! Where is the X-Box? The cell phone? iPod? Surely she wants iTunes or CD’s, clothes, boots, and more… She is in the prime of her life… clothes and accessories are a must at age 12!

“Yes Momma, that’s all I want and need..."it’s on my list.”

“But baby, you must want more than just this.” I say.

About this time her younger sister hands me 3 pages of goodies she wants. Now that’s what I’m talking about! Let’s pretend money isn’t an issue – let’s dream big and hope big! I scan her list …

And again… three pages of items that probably cost $2 or less each.

Mom is perplexed. What is with the lists, I wonder. I ask if that is truly what they want for Christmas… several Dollar store type items… and that is all.

Silence.

Exchanged glances.

“Baby girls, I know it’s been a tough year, but I want you to pretend we had a million dollars and tell me what you really want for Christmas!” I finally exclaimed. Surely these two girls wanted more and were in cohorts to ‘go easy on mom’ with their never ceasing list of desires.

Finally my oldest breaks the silence.

“Santa can’t bring me what I want for Christmas.” She said.

“Oh baby, never underestimate the power of Santa!” I said, with a wink and a big grin. “Put it on your list if it is something you want!”, as I silently think to myself, “God bless my babies who have been through hell and back this year”.

“No Momma… he can’t.”

My younger daughter pipes in and adds, “He doesn’t make these in his workshop.”

“What is it that you want baby?”

Again… silence.

Exchanged glances.

A deep breath… “I want a Daddy.” She finally said.

Silence suffocated the room as the three of us exchanged glances again. I grabbed both of my baby girls and clutched them deep against my chest. I buried my tear stained face in their hair, hoping to wipe the tears before they even noticed.

Those four words still haunt me. They remind me of what my daughter has been through, what she has lost, what she has desired for years, what she has been denied.

But those four words tell me so much more...

“Let’s dream big and let’s hope big”. Words I said that I thought had fell on deaf ears, really had penetrated deep into the heart of my daughter. A young girl who has been through more than some twenty year olds… and she is clinging to hope.

Hope.

Never give up on hope and always dream big.