I can make a celebration out of anything and I do tend to make a celebration out of everything. Sometimes it drives people around me nuts. I love making celebrations! And holidays, although they are commercialized like crazy… I still love ‘em. I love to decorate…to put my creative spin on things in an artsy, funky, “you are special to me” kind of way. Family birthdays will call for a special birthday breakfast - like chocolate chip pancakes with chocolate sauce, whip cream, syrup and powdered sugar with curly candles on top. Cakes will be that person’s favorite, with candles exploding on it. I’ve been caught singing “Happy Birthday” on many answering machines and voicemail boxes for friends and far off family. And…at my house…we always hang the “Happy Birthday Banner” in the kitchen window which can be seen as soon as you walk through the front door, announcing the celebration of that person’s life!
At Halloween, I’ll have spider webs and pumpkins galore - fake creepy family photos on the wall - the whole nine yards. My kids will make spiders out of egg cartons to hang from the dining room chandelier, and black bats with purple glitter to tape to the kitchen windows.
When Thanksgiving rolls around, I’ll purchase 6 ft. corn husks to adorn both sides of my walk way leading up to the house, with bushels of mums bursting with autumn color at their base! Brightly colored fall garland with leaves and berries are strewn over the front door frame. A big burly red berried wreath gracefully hangs as a signature of Thanksgiving as you walk through the door. Cornucopias overflowing on the table and mantel scream abundance and thanksgiving! The warm colors of orange, brown and yellow welcome you into my home and YES pumpkin and cloves are in the air…
At Christmas, I’ll have a tree in my living room, a tree in my family room and the girls will all have trees in their bedrooms. This year I even bought ornaments specifically for their interests for their own trees. One daughter has cowgirls, cactus, boots and barbed wire for garland. The other has shoe and purse ornaments, crystal beads, and a fluffy boa strand for garland on a pink tinsel tree. Green pine garland and velvet stockings will adorn the mantel with glittered name tags for all five kids, mom & dad, as well as both dogs and the cat. And… you are guaranteed that the scent of cinnamon and pine will fill the air as you come through the door.
Yes, I love making celebrations out of celebrations.
So that brings me to this year.
Thanksgiving this year is different. This year, my birthday falls ON Thanksgiving. I’ve known this for over a year, since I calculate the number of days to my birthday and announce it to all who know me for months ahead of time. I love the count down and anticipation. This year, you would think since there is a Birthday AND Thanksgiving it should be doubly bubbly with holiday cheer and celebrations. This year you would think tiny presents would be tucked inside the cornucopias. You would think candles would adorn a pumpkin cheesecake, or something...
or so you would think.
But…
This year, my kids will be at their father’s house for Thanksgiving.
This year, my mom and dad will not be cooking dinner, it’s her “year off”… (whatever!)
This year, I won’t be home at all for Thanksgiving. There are no decorations, no cornucopia, only leftover fall leaves from the Halloween decorations last month.
This year, my husband is taking me to Chicago – the windy city – for Thanksgiving and my birthday.
Neither of us have family there… it will be just the two of us.
Some people would kill to be in my shoes… to get away from family and traditions…
But…I’m a little uneasy about it all.
As spontaneous and full of life and energy that I am… I’m a woman of traditions. Chicago - for me - is totally untraditional. I will be totally dependant on my husband to meet my expectations of birthday and Thanksgiving, which I already know will not be met. He is complete opposite of me. He would rather not make any ‘ta-do’ about anything. I’m trying to prepare myself so I won’t be disappointed… I’m trying to not focus on the fact that there will not be any small feet coming into my bedroom singing “Happy Birthday” to me with a cup of orange juice and a pop tart on my birthday morning. I’m trying not to focus on the fact that there will be no sloppy wrapped Dollar Store presents of what ‘they’ picked out for me on my birthday. I’m trying not to focus on the fact that my mom won’t be wearing her apron hustling about with her little limp, barking out orders in her loud Portuguese Yankee accent to all of the family, as she does every year, before we sit down for our Thanksgiving meal. I’m trying to not focus on the smell of the turkey as my dad carves Big Tom and I sneak a piece out off the platter as he carves. I’m trying not to focus on the little “I caught you” look we exchange every year as he playfully goes after my fingers with the carving knife. There won’t be any off color jokes made by my brother in law as he, my sister-in-law and myself drink a little too much red wine before dinner. And I won’t be able to watch the expression on my brother’s face as he quietly sits back and kicks back a few beers - taking it all in - the ‘Family Thing’.
I wonder what it will be like to wake up in Chicago on Thanksgiving morning, my birthday morning, and realize it is a holiday.
I’m sure it will be just fine. But I know it will be different… it will be quiet… and I’m trying be okay with that.
It’s not my hearts desire. Celebrations mark me. They speak to me. I love the noise and the family oddities. This year will obviously be quiet. This year, I will be forced to be alone, without all the hustle and bustle to occupy me. I’ll be forced to be alone with my husband… just us. I know it’s not fair to him, and it puts a lot of pressure on him. I hate to be alone, especially on holidays. He doesn’t mind it. He actually prefers it. I’m actually a bit scared – a tad bit uneasy. I won’t have anything to hide behind... no one to laugh at my witty jokes or another family member to deflect the attention off us and the fragile state of our marriage. The thread that it hangs from will be totally exposed… and I don’t know how either of us will deal with it… miles away from home…
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Original POST: Monday November 20, 2006 - 02:43pm (CST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 15 Comments
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